For many years, I was a Reiki practitioner helping people deal with chronic pain and cancer.
I used a combination of reiki, intuition and mindset coaching to find what the emotional cause of the physical pain was, and to address these issues so the physical condition didn’t need to be there anymore. I loved my work.
And then I began to notice some of the people closest to me struggling with fertility issues—including my sister-in-law and best friend. These were women who would be amazing mothers; it seemed unfair that they were having trouble conceiving.
One day I made the connection between the work I was doing with chronic pain and fertility. If there’s always an emotional cause to the physical problems with my clients, wouldn’t the same idea apply to women dealing with infertility?
So I began to work with my sister-in-law (who had suffered two previous miscarriages), and within six months she was pregnant with my nephew.
This was the start of my passion for helping women realize that they can overcome infertility, despite what they’ve been told. More and more women followed, and here’s what I’ve learned:
Very often when we’re on this fertility journey, it’s easy to become obsessed with eating the right amount of kale, taking our temperature twice a day and checking ovulation sticks for that elusive happy face.
But what I’ve found in my holistic fertility practice is that those things can actually exacerbate infertility.
Whether we’re a Type-A personality or not, this obsession can play into our ability to conceive. It also puts the power outside of ourselves. We rely on outside people and things to tell us what’s going on in our bodies—and that’s part of the problem.
Energy is a hugely overlooked area in fertility, but I promise you it’s the most important thing.
Focusing on energy has made all the difference for my clients who’ve become pregnant. Getting back in touch with our intuition is key in terms of moving our energy towards what we want.
Often we think we are being positive, and though we tell ourselves that, our energy is more like: “Oh no, what if it doesn’t happen?” According to the Law of Attraction, like energy attracts like energy. So if we’re constantly putting out the energy of “I should be pregnant by now,” “It’s never going to happen” or “I’m running out of time,” we’re actually focusing our energy on desperation and lack. Therefore, we only receive more of that “lack” energy.
The great thing is these are thoughts. And if thoughts can be changed, our energy can also be changed.
It’s too much of an energetic gap to go from “It’s never going to happen” to “I will be pregnant this month,” so we want to take small steps forward. These steps will eventually become bigger, and before we know it, we’ve bridged the gap and are working more often from a positive base.
The following are three easy ways to shift our energy forward today:
1. Make a list of why it hasn’t been the right time up until now.
If we’ve been trying to conceive for a while, or have dealt with miscarriages, it can be difficult to justify a reason for any of it, but look at the specific time frame. I guarantee something was off.
Did you move? Get a new job? Have a health issue or eating disorder? Strained relationship with husband or family member? Really tune into it and write everything you can think of. It may sound weird, but there’s something about seeing these reasons on paper that helps your brain realize, “Oh it couldn’t have happened before now because of _______.” That alone can release some energy that was spinning in circles. Then burn or shred that list as a ceremonial goodbye. Understand that it has served its purpose, but now you’re moving forward.
Finally, write a list of why now is the right time, and what you’re looking forward to—then plaster that list everywhere! Even if you stop consciously noticing it, subconsciously you’re still pulling that excited, positive energy in.
2. Quit the obsessive monitoring.
If you’re a super planner or Type-A wonder woman (like me), do yourself a favor and stop monitoring your temperature, cervical mucus, weight and those ovulation sticks. Remember that focusing on these can exacerbate our infertility.
We want to be good students, do the work, and get the right answer; and if we don’t, we feel we are failing. Too many of us put our trust outside our bodies, but our bodies know what to do. Can we commit to one month of no outside monitoring and just feel what our body is telling us?
Many of my clients can now even feel when they’re ovulating. They listen for the cues from their body and that’s when the magic happens! Close your eyes and breathe into your body. Listen and know that everything is good.
3. Create space for yourself.
If you’re in a stressful job or normally stay late during the week, see if you can commit to staying late only two days this month, eventually cutting down to one. Cutting back on unnecessary commitments can be a huge help.
For example, a few of my clients who are teachers were involved in unions, teaching AP classes, taking Masters classes and supervising after-school programs. Their overworked brains sent the signal to their bodies that they literally couldn’t take care of anything else, and slowed down their reproductive and endocrine systems. Their brains meant well—they didn’t want to add yet another thing to my clients’ plates. So my clients needed to convince their brains that they in fact did have space in their lives for a baby.
One gave up her involvement in the teachers’ union and after-school program; one resigned as department head and gave up teaching those AP classes. Guess what? It worked for both of them!
Don’t wait until you’re pregnant. Do it now. Let’s show the universe we have room for this baby. Because right now, your brain doesn’t know how it’s going to take care of another human.
Do this for yourself—put out the “making space” energy versus the “I’ll do it later” energy. If you’re unsure how this will go over with your current boss, let him/her or your HR rep know that you’re dealing with a physical condition and your doctor has suggested you cut back on your commitments. You don’t have to get into detail about it, but the result can help make more energetic space for your little munchkin to come into your life.
There are things you can do to take control of your fertility journey. I’ve seen it happen with so many of my clients. This list is just a start.
My wish for you is that you realize you can make this happen.